You’ll Never Find the Answer to That Question

You’ll wake up one day and realise that you feel obsolete without him. You’ll grow tired of that, so you’ll wonder if his inconsistency was just in your imagination.

You will never find the answer to that question

but you’ll wake up the next day and realise that it doesn’t matter because he’s gone. You’ll wonder if you should call and tell him all the ways he changed your life. You will make that call because you’ll forget that you were not his first love.

You will not be his last.

You will not be his next,

because even though parts of him still live in your memory, he’s not there. You will try to erase him, but instead you’ll turn him into a fantasy no man will ever match. You’ll wonder if any of that dream was real.

You will never find the answer to that question.

You’ll wonder why he started growing distant from you the moment he told you he loved you.

You will never find the answer to that question, but you’ll wake up one morning and realise that you need to stop caring.

You won’t stop caring, but knowing the pointlessness of it all will make that easier to live with.

It’s Why You Chose Her

You love her because she reserves her ‘I love yous’ for those she’d throw herself under a bus for. You love her because all her edges are soft, because she feels things, because she hasn’t become calloused. You love her because she behaves as though she’s never been hurt even though she’s been hurt far too often.

Women like that are misunderstood.

When she was betrayed, she had two choices: harden herself so that she didn’t suffer the same pain again, or stay brave and offer herself up for betrayal again. She chose the latter. It’s not an easy choice, but she made it because she’s a hero. She’s strong. That’s why you chose her, so don’t resent her grief now that you’re gone. You chose her for being powerful enough to feel that much.

You love her because she’s seen all the darkness in the world and keeps on giving everyone her light, even those as dark as you are. You love her because she’s your opposite so don’t resent her lack of cynicism. It’s why you chose her.

Don’t resent her because her soft edges make your rejection hurt more. It’s why you chose her. Don’t call her tears ‘weak’. It’s why you chose her. Don’t judge her for hurting the way only a hero can. It’s why you chose her.

You chose her because the kind of love she offers isn’t temporary, so don’t judge the depth of her grief. Now that you’re gone, you will be like a big planet that she’ll carry around with her wherever she goes. She will never stop remembering you. She’ll never let go of all the things she knows about you and how they’ve changed the way she sees the world. It was always you that she wanted. Always. She will treasure and guard the space she cleared for you even long after you’re gone. Don’t resent her for that. It’s why you chose her.